5 Great Traits That Make Up A Great Girlfriend

I have a confession to make.

As a guy, playing the field can be a lot of fun. The unbalanced male-to-female ratio plays a huge role in such a mindset. But as maturity sets in, real men begin to realize that fooling around has its moments, but nothing can surpass the joys of being in a serious relationship.

Let me rephrase that…

Nothing can surpass being in a serious relationship with a great girlfriend like I am with now. So I began to wonder…exactly what is it that makes someone a great girlfriend? Besides possessing the obvious attributes of being faithful and honest I’ve come up with the 5 Key Traits Of A Great Girlfriend.

#5- She’s Independent

This trait gets a tremendous amount of negative publicity from some single women. Apparently there’s a widespread misconception that most men don’t want an independent woman. That’s more off base than the time Jessica Simpson thought The Gap Band was an alternative to getting braces.

A real man appreciates when his girlfriend has her own personality and opinions, and can stand on her own both financially and emotionally. That’s a true turn-on, as the relationship begins to feel much more like an equal partnership.

(Note: Embrace your independence, but don’t use it as a badge of honor….that’s when it stops being a positive trait.)

#4- She’s Intelligent

Having someone that’s beautiful but dumb gets old pretty fast. That’s why it’s great to have a girlfriend that can meet you on an intellectual level. Her wit and intellect keep you on your toes, and deepens your attraction past the physical realm—making it another quality of a great girlfriend.

#3- She Allows You To Be A Man

This isn’t sexist at all. A great girlfriend understands that men and women are intrinsically different, and allows you to be who you are…a man. Which means she won’t force you to start using pink and lavender toilet paper, or sit through a “Desperate Housewives” marathon with her. A great girlfriend also doesn’t get bent out of shape if you try to do “guy things” like watch the game or occasionally hang out with your friends.

#2- She Loves You

On the surface, such a trait would seem like a given. But allow me to dig a little deeper beyond the surface. A great girlfriend loves her man…flaws and all. To her, it’s okay that he isn’t the best dresser; or that his jokes fall flatter than Arsenio Hall’s career. She just loves him for him, and takes the time to show him how much she appreciates him each day.

#1- She Makes You Strive To Better Yourself

This may be my favorite one of all. A great girlfriend inspires you to improve yourself without even saying anything. Just being around her makes you want to better yourself. Suddenly you begin to get your finances in order, you start treating people better, and you even clip your toenails on the regular. It’s all because of your great girlfriend. She just has that kind of effect on you.

The Fly Guy Moral: So there’s my list. If you’re current girlfriend possesses those traits, then I’d say you were in great shape. If she doesn’t…well, I’d suggest a little prayer is in order.

How to make long distance work

Listen; there are times when our career or our general pursuit of happiness forces us to change locations. If you’re involved with someone when this happens, then you’ll likely need a few Fly Guy tools to ensure your relationship’s survival. That’s why I’ve decided to equip you with 5 Essential Keys to Maintaining a Successful Long-Distance Relationship. If you apply these to your situation, you’ll never have to lose out on the Mariangela of your life.

#1: Make contact every day- This doesn’t necessarily have to be a 4-hour phone call. But still take the time to at least send an email or text message letting them know how important they are. Failing to constantly check in with your mate will leave them feeling abandoned, which undermines the whole point of even trying the relationship in the first place.

#2: Plan to see each other regularly- There’s a certain psychology behind having something to look forward to. So plan regular trips to see each other during your time apart. Those special moments will energize the relationship, giving you more resolve than the time I had to convince my grandmother that Michael and Letoya Jackson were two different people.

#3: Make the relationship a priority- I know you’ve been waiting for months to audition for the stageplay version of “Who’s the Boss” at your community theater — and I wish you luck on that. But you can’t place trivial matters before your relationship. When you’re hundreds or even thousands of mile apart, it becomes increasingly important for you to make your significant other feel as if they’re still a major part of your life. So don’t cancel a planned phone call or scheduled visit for things that you could honestly do without.

#4: Trust your partner- Nothing spells failure faster than going into a long-distance relationship with no sense of trust. If you can’t trust your mate’s ability to remain faithful while in another city, then why bother? You know, this whole notion reminds me of the time I refused to let Condoleezza Rice borrow my comb. I knew up front that I couldn’t trust her to do the right thing, so I told her no. And if you can’t commit to trusting them (or yourself) then don’t waste your time or theirs.

#5: Make plans for the future- There’s nothing worse than engaging in a long-distance relationship with no true game plan established for when you’ll actually be together again. That’s like working a job without your boss giving you a clear cut answer on when you’ll get paid. (”You’ll get your check one of these days buddy…just hang on in there.”) If it’s a year, then say it. If it’s going to be two years apart, then make that known. That way both sides will know what they’re committing to up front.

The Fly Guy Moral: As you’ve sifted through the information I’ve provided today, understand that there’s no clear cut method to approaching such an enormous commitment. No matter how the two of you plan to approach it, just know that it’s going to take a lot of work, as well as a lot of patience and flexibility. But if you really want to keep the relationship alive, then you’ll figure out a way to make it work. Good luck.

WTF is wrong with people

A mentally disturbed woman in Korea started getting plastic surgery at 28 and got addicted to it. After numerous surgeries her face became disfigured and doctors refused to operate on her anymore. She somehow convinced ($$$$) a doctor to give her silicone injections and obtained a syringe from him to do it herself. When she ran out of the silicone she started to inject herself...with cooking oil (wtf!).

This is what she looked like before all of her surgeries:...

And this is what she looked like after:

I'll never understand why people who have absolutely nothing wrong with themselves can't see it and will mess up their bodies in the pursuit of...?! Anywho if interested the full article is here.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE BY THE DALAI LAMA

another oldie but goodie, I try to stay focused on a lot of these...

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

13. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

14. Be gentle with the earth.

15. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

16. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

17. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

18. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

How to be his freak pt 1

There is nothing like finding a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed. (found mines sorry if that was TMI) I think most men want our woman to be our own private freak. In this blog you’ll find 3 ways to prove your freakiness to your man.

What Does Everybody Want?

• Head!!! In 2008 you have to give head. So go down on your man, and not just regular head, do it some place he’ll never expect it, like in the mall or in the parking lot of your favorite restaurant. Being spontaneous is a perfect way to make sure a relationship doesn’t become boring and dull. Now, fellas there is no reason what so ever that you shouldn’t eat in return.
  

Whatever You Like

• Now you’re perfect man might ask for you to do some outlandish stuff like the R-Kelly Thundercat Joust Match. [That's when you go into the bathroom and take a leak and right after you're done he runs into you at full speed and shoves his Peter inside of you while screaming HOOOOOOOOO!!!!] But don’t be afraid to try new things. Men like to do things we see in the flicks. So if it’s not too off the wall try it. Adult video stores are a perfect place to find new moves, positions and movies to spice up your bed room life.
  

My Pony

• Learn how to ride a dude properly, I can’t stress the importance of this position enough. Ladies, y’all get on top of us and don’t move, or move in a way that is not pleasurable to us. If we got on top of you and poked around in a unorthodox way we will not get a call back. So learn how to ride. A good up and down motion is key, making sure you’re wet enough, and he’s hard enough to maintain the proper atmosphere of the ride. I’ll be posting a guide to riding in the near future, until then rent some
  

9 After Sex Personalities

There is an old quote stating “When I’m hard I’m soft and when I’m soft I’m hard.” Think about that for a moment. It’s no doubt that having sex will change things, for one females are emotional beings and males are… well men. But, do you actually know about your lover’s after sex personality? Do you know your after sex personality? Here are a few to be on the lookout for.

• The Sleeper - These are the people who fall right asleep after sex. The difference between you putting your lover to sleep and “The Sleeper” is that a sleeper will not move, there is no removing the condom, no getting up to wash up, nothing. Just rolling over and falling right to sleep.
  
• The Germaphobe - This is the person who washes, change the sheets and puts on new clothes right after sex. There is no down time to recovery time, or anything else. They go from sex to cleaning, good thing is neither one of you would have to lay in the wet spot.
  
• The Smoker - The smoker must light up a cigarette or finish off the roach after sex. Smoking after sex can be a great, way to connect with your lover. If you’re sleeping with a smoker, nothing turns them on then saying “Let me light that” right before they smoke their after sex cigarette.
  
• The Talker - This person wants to hold long drawn out discussions after sex, they might stay on topic and talk about what just went down, or they might go totally left field and start talking about the person at work they can’t stand.
  
• The Don’t Toucher - This is the person who simply doesn’t want to be touched after sex. This person can be male or female and after sex, they want you to leave or just simply not to touch them. There will be no touching, no cuddling or anything that involves skin on skin.
  
• The Go Homer - Not to be confused with The Don’t Toucher, this is the person who wants to go home immediately after sex. Some think they are just in it for the sex, others think they just want to go home. Either way they won’t be at your house for long.
  
• The Cuddler - This is the person who wants to cuddle up and lay on their lover. They simply want to enjoy the moment. There are also different type of cuddlers there’s the spooner, the lay on the chester, and the stay insider.
  
• The Sh*t Talker - This is the person who likes to crack jokes about the events that just took place. They say thinks like “Ha! you were screaming louder than the chick in Saw V!” or “Is your head okay? I didn’t mean to make you crack it against the headboard”
  
• The Analyzer - This is the person who suddenly wants to start analyzing the relationship. They say things like “What am I to you”, “What was this” or even worst “Do you love me?” 45 minutes of bumping uglies does not mean anything has changed. It is what it was when we started, questioning might change things.
  

What other types of personalities have you seen after sex?

Sooner or Later: That is the question?

I ran across an article in the USA Today talking about what the best age is to get married. It discusses pros and cons of getting married early vs. getting married later and cites several studies. The avg. age that men and women get married at has been rising for decades Here is an excerpt from the article:

"Others are also holding off while maintaining a single-but-together status that can last years. That may be one reason the age at first marriage has been climbing steadily for all racial, ethnic and socioeconomic groups. The median age is now the oldest since the U.S. Census started keeping track in the 1890s: almost 26 for women and almost 28 for men.

And as young people wait longer to marry, there is growing debate over whether waiting is a good idea, and if so, how long is best. Those who advocate marriage in the early to mid-20s say that’s the age when the pool of possible mates is larger, it’s when couples can “grow up” together and it’s prime for childbearing. But others favor the late 20s or early 30s, saying maturity makes for happier unions and greater economic security — both of which make divorce less likely."

If single, at what age, if any, do you hope you’ll marry and why then? If married, how old were you when you wed and do you think you were too young, too old? How many years should two people know each other before marrying?

The company you keep

It Is Better To Be Alone, Than In The Wrong Company (Not Always, But Most Of The Time)

Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are. Ifyou run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associatewith eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. "A mirrorreflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kindof friends he chooses." The simple but true fact of life is that youbecome like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and thebad.

The less you associate with some people, the more your life willimprove. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases yourmediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is theirimpatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As yougrow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not wantyou to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends thatdon't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretchyour vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you willeventually decrease you. Consider this:

1. Never receive counsel from unproductive people.

2. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing tothe solution, because those who never succeed themselves are alwaysfirst to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideaswith the wrong person.

3. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people youspend an evening: with others you invest it.

4. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road oflife.

5. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the rightfriendships.

Power of The P

The power of the P’s is an amazing thing. If you have this power you may notice that the opposite sex will do crazy things in order for you to use your power against them, if you know what I mean. No matter what your gender, chances are if you love sex, but whose sex is more powerful?

Little girls are told from the moment they are born that the place between their legs is special. Things like “Don’t let anyone touch you there” or “It’s your special zone”. Why do you think it’s called your PRIVATES? Back in 6th grade the girls would walk around singing “My name is Peaches I’m the Best…” They got so much reinforcement that it’s almost impossible to get any until I turned 17 that’s when most girls start to warm up their engine for that long trip of freedom call college.That’s when the real sexual intellectuals come out.

It was on college campuses across the nation where the term Sexual Intellectual was born. Girls became ladies, they also realized they can get a dude to do anything they want b/c they had that something special. They had Power to get a dumb broke college student to spend his book money on Prada shoes, especially if he THOUGHT he could get close enough to smell her privates.

Men are no different we too are tainted from childhood. No one pays us any attention as a child. All we know is we came out of woman and our hormones tell us, we need to go back into woman. Little boys squeeze breasts, play w/ their ding ding, and watch BET’s 106th and Park to catch a glimpse of a video vixen enhanced booty. So, unless we run across a girl who has not been told her P was special, it’s around 17 years old when we began searching for the cooch.

But men get it twisted, we embark on a mission to get the fastest car, the newest phone, the most money, and whatever designer being name dropped in the latest Kanye song. Only we want ours in one of those exotic colors that Young Dro raps about. So while he is shopping for his Pomegranate Blazer and Pineapple Tie he never realize that the only reason he wants to look like a semi-thug version of a bag of skittles is to get the panties of the cashier behind the counter, or someone who looks just like her.

What most men fail to realize is that females like sex too, just as much as guys. They get pleasure from it too, so he doesn’t have to be in the game trying to get some p*ssy, rather he should be in the business of laying the pipe. Because the power of the P is best used when it’s being driven deep inside her.

Whose P is more powerful?

3 Tips To Help Sustain Your Relationship

Pop quiz. What’s the safest way to ensure a healthy, happy relationship? While I can’t audibly hear your response, I’m 98.7 percent sure that your answer includes suggestions like developing trust and promoting open lines of communication. (The other 1.3 percent of me doesn’t really care what you think as that side of me is currently focused on the “Diff’rent Strokes” marathon about to start on TV Land.) But my nostalgic distractions aside, the rest of me feels compelled to offer an alternative to your relationship philosophy. While I can’t disagree with the importance of your points, my personal experiences have led me to adopt three essential keys which have proven vital in any attempt to sustain a healthy relationship. They are: strength, courage and wisdom.

Strength

I was recently speaking to a group of friends, and over the course of our conversation, I began to share my three-fold approach to sustaining a healthy relationship. As I delved into the particulars, many within the group loudly objected to strength sitting at the top of my list.

“What does strength have to do with anything?” they loudly slurred while signaling the bartender to bring a fourth round of drinks. “Why aren’t you discussing the real issues that tear a relationship apart, like a lack of trust or miscommunication?”

What they didn’t understand was that a person’s individual strength plays a key role in dictating the direction of the relationship. Is a person strong enough to avoid losing their individualism for the sake of pleasing the other person? And do they possess enough strength to resist the temptations that can come from the outside world and encourage cardinal sins like infidelity?

These and other questions should be asked when assessing the level of your own strength as it pertains to your relationship.

Courage

Despite the perpetual happiness of Rebecca and Uncle Jesse on “Full House” from TGIF’s of yesteryear, adversity knocks on every couple’s door—whether it’s overcoming infidelity, ignoring the increasingly loud voice of disapproving family members, or facing financial troubles capable of sapping the life out of any couple.

When dealing with these types of adversity, couples are faced with a choice: You can either have the courage to stay the course and fight for the relationship that you believe in. Or you can do like most people, and bail at the first sign of trouble. (This could help to explain our alarming national divorce rate.)

I personally long for the days when more brave souls are willing to stand up and say, “Despite everything that we are currently going through, I love you and I’m willing to stick with it to figure things out.”

But that takes real courage … something that is sorely lacking nowadays.

Wisdom

Wisdom within the context of a relationship can have many faces. For starters, it takes a considerable amount of wisdom to understand and appreciate the undeniable fact that throughout the course of your relationship, each person is bound to grow, mature and ultimately evolve. But many people (myself included) have used the idea of growth, as a primary reason to move on to something new. (Be honest, how many of you have cited “growing apart” as the reason that you left your relationship?)

A wise man (or woman) understands that change is inevitable, that growth is necessary, and that evolution is a way of life. They also understand that in order to account for those changes, both people have to be willing to adapt as the situation calls for it. Traditional dinner and movie dates are bound to get old. Anniversary outings to the Cheesecake Factory are destined to lose their luster. And an overall stubbornness to accept the change within a person is the first step leading to a couple’s demise.

It’s a good thing that wisdom serves as a capable antidote to the relational ills prompted by an indisposition to change.

The Fly Guy Moral: With that being said, here’s the absolute bottom line. Relationships take work. And if you aren’t ready to roll up your sleeves, and exercise a little strength, courage, and wisdom, then you’ll never be able to fully realize the true potential of your relationship. Your thoughts?

DOPE

Inqmnd just updated their buyers buyble and it is so dope! Check it out here.

Where are they now Darlene Ortiz (Ice T's Ex / baby mama before Coco)

(THEN)

Her name is Darlene Ortiz. But 20 years ago, she was known simply as “Darlene”.
All Darlene ever did to earn her spot in the annals of Hip Hop history was pose half naked for the cover of her husband’s 2nd studio album.

Darlene’s image on the cover of Ice T’s 1987 album “Power” propelled sales of the album through the roof. Her curves earned her praise from men and women alike.

Twenty years later, Darlene reenacted her infamous album pose for KING magazine. From the photos, we see that Darlene, now in her 40s, still has it. Video models today with their super sized man-made parts look like cartoon caricatures in comparison to Darlene from back in the day. She was perfect.

There’s not a video model out today who can measure up to the Darlene of 1987 — and she wasn’t even black!

(NOW)

Drake

Get Over It

Drake has a new song and I think he goes in. People might question why Drake is so dope. This guy has some serious rewind factor and drops really dope metaphors. I appreciate a writer who does not state the obvious in his raps like I’m dope, I’m the best MC and I drive a Benz. Of course those are all part of rapper swagger, but if you are able to get your point across without stating the obvious I love it. It shows you how the persons mind works.

Think about the Clipse, they talked about selling mad drugs without having to literally say I SELL DRUGS. know what I mean?

The other dope thing about Drake is how he puts words together. It’s the same reason why I love BIG. I can’t explain it but you hear the order in which they place their words and how they rhyme them together. Very Clever! I don’t want hate mail I am not saying Drake is in the same league as BIG, I am just saying he uses similar methods.

Some dope metaphors to look out for:

“Only see the road trough the wings of an Angel” meaning : I only see the road from the back of a Rolls Royce (the Rolls Royce has a Angel as the front ornament)

“Drake was at the club and he Ball’d like no hair”
Listen to the song and please give me your feedback (positive or negative)
thanks

$2200 Puts you in the top 50% of Rich People Worldwide...Count your blessings

The richest two percent of the world's population owns more than half of the world's household wealth.

Although you may believe you've heard this statistic before, you haven't: For the first time, personal wealth, not income, has been measured around the world. And the findings are surprising. For what makes people "wealthy" across the world spectrum is a relatively low bar.

The research finds that assets of just $2,200 per adult placed a household in the top half of the world's wealthiest. To be among the richest 10% of adults in the world just $61,000 in assets is needed. If you have more than $500,000, you're part of the richest 1%, the United Nations study found. Indeed, 37 million people now belong in that category.Sure you can now be proud that you're rich. But take a moment to think about it and you'll probably come to realize the meaning behind these numbers is harrowing. For if it takes just a couple of thousand dollars to qualify as rich in this world, imagine what it means to be poor.

Half the world -- nearly three billion people -- live on less than two dollars a day. The three richest people in the world have more money than the poorest 48 nations -- combined.

Even relatively developed nations have low thresholds of per-person capital. For example, people in India have per capita assets of $1,100, and in Indonesia capital amounts to $1,400 per capita.

The study's authors defined net worth as the value of people's physical and financial assets, less debts. "In this respect, wealth represents the ownership of capital. Although capital is only one part of personal resources, it is widely believed to have a disproportionate impact on household well-being and economic success, and more broadly on economic development and growth," they say.

That said, it's interesting to take a look at how different economic levels manage their capital.Property, particularly land and farm assets, are more important in less developed countries because of the greater importance of agriculture and because financial institutions are immature.The study also reveals the differences in the types of financial assets owned. Savings accounts are strongly featured in transition economies and in some rich Asian countries, while stock and other types of financial products are more commonplace in Western nations. The authors say there is a stronger preference for saving and liquidity in Asian countries because of lack of confidence in financial markets. That isn't so much the case in the U.S. and the United Kingdom, which have private pensions and more developed financial markets, they say.

Debt doesn't weigh

Surprisingly, household debt is relatively unimportant in poor countries because, the study says, "While many poor people in poor countries are in debt, their debts are relatively small in total. This is mainly due to the absence of financial institutions that allow households to incur large mortgage and consumer debts, as is increasingly the situation in rich countries"Meanwhile, "many people in high-income countries have negative net worth and -- somewhat paradoxically -- are among the poorest people in the world in terms of household wealth."

But let's not feel too bad about ourselves, even if we do have a negative savings rate. The average wealth is the U.S. is $144,000 per person. In Japan, it's $181,000. Overall, wealth is mostly concentrated in North America, Europe and high income Asia-Pacific countries. People in these countries collectively hold almost 90% of total world wealth.

The world's total wealth is valuated at $125 trillion. And although North America has only 6% of the world adult population, it accounts for 34% of household wealth.

So be grateful for where you live in the world; it directly correlates to how much you have. But don't bask in superiority: The fastest-growing population of wealthy people is in China.Look out when they transition from saving to spending. It's going to change the composition of the world economy dramatically, and it may just help prevent the world from becoming more of an aristocracy than it already is.AH Well things could be so much worse...Count your blessings!

Naive Ladies important PDA

If your man is acting like he no longer loves you and you have noticed that his behavior toward has drastically changed, chances are that he may be falling out of love with you. And if that is the case, don't try to get him to do what he does not want to do -- like staying in a relationship with.

If you have told him that you don't like the way he is treating you and he does not appear to be interested in changing his ways, then your man probably wants to move on. If that is what he wants, let him move on so that you can make room for a man that will derive joy in fulfilling your heart 's romantic desires.

1. He has stopped calling you the endearing names he once called you -- sweetie, honey, darling, baby, boo, etc.

2. He complains when you try to be affectionate to him. If you are sitting on the coach and you try to massage his neck or back, he tells you to stop because he is uncomfortable, or just wants you to give him some elbow room.

3. He tells you mean things that hurt your feeling in the name of trying to tell you the truth. For example, he will tell you that you are overweight and that you should try to lose weight.

4. He flirts with other girls right in your presence, and when you complain he tells you to do something about it if you don't like how he is behaving.

5. He no longer tells you about how his day went. He does not talk to you as much as he used to in the past.

6. He goes out with his friends on weekends and never bothers to invite you.

7. He suddenly starts calling you another woman 's name -- probably the woman he is now involved with -- and does not apologize to you.

8. He stays out late and does not bother to explain to you where he has gone and why his coming home late.

9. He gets very angry when you accuse him of having an affair. He gets very defensive and starts shouting at you.

10. He never seems to understand why you are complaining that his behavior toward you has changed.

One of the most obvious signs he is not into you anymore involves intimacy. If your boyfriend suddenly seems less interested in sex you should be alarmed. One of the most common beliefs when a man loses interest in making love is that he's having an affair. This isn't always the case. Sometimes the man simply loses the emotional connection he felt with his partner and this in itself results in him finding her less desirable. If you two are constantly bickering about things and the relationship is beginning to show signs of cracks, it's going to impact your sex life too.

Another of the signs that he is not into you anymore is that he is constantly coming up with excuses for why he can't spend time with you. If you two regularly spent evenings and weekends together and now he says he needs to work or he has things to do, that should be a red flag. If a man is crazy about you he'll do whatever it takes to spend time with you. If you are hearing a lot of excuses and you two just aren't together as much as you once were, his feelings have likely shifted.

Men who are losing interest will often have a change of demeanor when they are with you. If he used to be loving and attentive and now he barely pays attention to you, something is amiss. This is one of the signs he is not into you anymore that tends to be gradual. You may not notice it right away but over time you start to notice that he's rude when speaking to you or there are times where he outright ignores you. If this is happening you need to pay attention to it and not just shrug it off. It's a real sign that the relationship is heading towards a break up.

Most women have experienced a man who acts distant from time to time. Sometimes if a man has a lot on his mind he'll seem extra quiet and less willing to share. If this is a continual behavior issue with the man in your life it may be one of the signs he is not into you. Men sometimes retreat back into themselves emotionally when they just aren't as in love as they once were.

Unfortunately, men sometimes do fall out of love. Specific things you say and do can make the man you love feel helplessly drawn to you. If you are convinced he is the one there are things you can do to ensure he only has eyes for you. For more informative tips about understanding men including a way to get him to fall and stay deeply in love with you.

Will He Ever Marry You?

Every chick knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit … until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he’s springing for a rock. Women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he’s compatible with, i.e., The One. But that’s not enough to push him over the edge. What, then, does it take?

“Being ready,” I say. In my 25 years of experience working as a fake relationship therapist, it’s 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent our readiness to commit. That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he’s not in a marriage mind-set yet, he’s not going to commit to anyone … not even you.

In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.

Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person. But he is more likely to meet her once he’s in that marrying state of mind. Here, I will divulges the five factors that I think make a man want to take the plunge.

COMMITMENT FACTOR #1
The Capacity to Love

No matter how head-over-heels your guy is during the initial honeymoon period of the relationship, it doesn’t mean he is ready to commit. A man might fall in love, which requires the capacity to idealize. That means thinking and feeling like his partner and the relationship are uniquely special, enabling him to ignore imperfections, which, in turn, makes him feel valued and special.

Loving, on the other hand, involves connecting with the other person, understanding her, and wanting to be with her for who she is, not who he’d like her to be.

While it might be difficult to decipher the difference between the two, one clue is the test of time. Falling in love happens early on in a relationship, when a couple barely knows each other. Once they become more intimate and learn more about each other’s positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz is gone, a man who is only in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he’ll stay.

Another major telltale sign of real love is selflessness and the ability to care. Does your man make sacrifices for you? Is he able to put your wants and needs before his? Relationships are all about give and take, but love is more about giving.

COMMITMENT FACTOR #2

Being Able to Accept Imperfection

Intellectually, we all know that there are no perfect people and, therefore, no perfect relationships. But it often takes maturity and dating experience to actually believe it.

Take a client of mine, who broke up with a wonderful woman simply because he thought he could do better. A year later, he met someone else, who was also great but far from perfect. After two years of dating, he decided to propose. If he had met her a few years earlier, he would have broken up with her too. But now, he realizes that this is as good as it gets, though it took him several relationships to finally understand that.

Having unrealistic expectations makes it impossible for a man to develop a close bond. If a guy who isn’t ready starts getting too close to a woman, he’ll look for imperfections, either consciously or subconsciously, to create distance between them and, ultimately, to give him a reason to break up with her.

COMMITMENT FACTOR #3

He Truly Believes in Commitment

Even if a man tells you that he’s in it for the long term, you won’t really know the level of his staying power until you hit some rough patches. If he’s not ready, he won’t be able to handle the negative aspects of a relationship, and he’ll either shut down — and shut you out — or bail. A man who is truly ready to bond will be willing to work with you to try to resolve whatever problems the two of you are having.

This doesn’t mean that he’ll never experience any doubts or even think about leaving. But at the end of the day, he’ll realize that his relationship is a top priority, and whatever discomfort he might have to endure to work out the kinks is worth it. It’s a trade-off he’s willing to make.

COMMITMENT FACTOR #4

He’s Sure He Can Be the Man

Even though stereotypical gender roles have loosened up and many men are no longer required to be the breadwinners, a lot of guys still worry, deep down, that they should be … and a lot of women still expect it. So if a guy feels that he can’t live up to his — or his partner’s — expectations, he might put off getting seriously involved to avoid feeling like he’s not capable. It’s a way for him to protect his ego.

According to the National Marriage Project, 47 percent of men agree that they wouldn’t want to get married until they could afford to own a home, and 40 percent would want to be able to afford a nice wedding.

But it’s not just the money — or lack thereof — that will cause a guy to shy away from commitment. If a guy is putting all of his time and energy into pursuing a goal, whether it’s climbing the corporate ladder or working toward finishing medical school, he just won’t have anything left to give to a partner, both physically and emotionally. So he puts romance on the back burner.

Now that’s not to say he will never want to pop the question. If your man is floundering careerwise or struggling to make ends meet, it might be in your interest to bide your time and wait for him to become ready. Of course, it depends on the dynamic between the two of you. But if he seems fully engaged in the relationship, clearly states that he wants to get married after he accomplishes whatever goal he has been working on, and his time frame is reasonable, your patience could eventually pay off.

COMMITMENT FACTOR #5

He’s Tired of Playing Around

While there’s no specific age at which men are ready to marry (nor do they all mature at the same rate), after a while, going from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose its allure, and they crave a deeper kind of bond with someone.

This more intimate mind-set may be expedited if all the guy’s friends are starting to settle down. For one thing, it becomes harder for him to find buddies to party with. But more important, with everyone around him getting more serious about their relationships, he’s more likely to reflect on what he wants in life. Though bachelorhood can be fun and exciting, it’s often emotionally unfulfilling. And ultimately, at some point, most men want to have that soul-mate connection.

The Art of the Ultimatum

Three times when it might pay to nudge him a bit

He Has a Legit Excuse

If you really think the two of you click but he’s stalling because he’s temporarily focused on something else, like finishing grad school, give him a firm deadline (e.g., till he reaches his goal).

He Needs to Rethink His Priorities

Say he’s a jock and you hate sports, but he wishes you had that in common or show intrest. Is it so important to you that your willing to risk losing him because you do not want to remotely try to be interested in what he enjoys? (Note: If the answer is yes, you don’t want him anyway.)

He’s Chronically Indecisive

Some guys are reluctant because they can’t make a decision. He’s not afraid of committing to you; he’s just afraid of committing. If that sounds like your man, he might need prodding to get off the proverbial fence. Just tell him that you want him to be in your life, but if he can’t make a decision in the next couple of months, you’ll have to move on. Warning: If you issue an ultimatum, you’d better be prepared to stick to it.

**Any Thoughts Jet Set Members?

Two Part Brain Feature From Author Laura Schaefer (First The Male Brain)

Women have puzzled over it for years—why the heck do men do the things they do? Why do they profess their love for you one minute, then ignore you the next? Why can they not remember our birthdays? Let science explain some of these conundrums—and help you rev up your relationships!

Be patient with his memory

The hippocampus, where initial memories are formed, occupies a smaller percent of the male brain than the female brain. If on your first date he can’t remember where you work, even though you told him all about it when you met, just remember that size matters… hippocampus size, that is. Don’t take it personally. (Oh, and don’t be surprised when, months down the line, he has no clue you’ve just changed your hair.)

Don’t expect him to get hints

Have a crush on him? You may have to put it out there, because men aren’t as skilled at women at reading subtle emotional cues. As Dr. Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine puts it, “We have been assuming that the ways in which emotions are organized in the brain are essentially similar in men and women,” but they aren’t. Parts of the limbic cortex, which is involved in emotional responses, are smaller in men than in women. Additionally, scientists at McMaster University have found that guys have a smaller density of neurons in areas of the temporal lobe that deal with language processing. That’s why it’s probably a good idea to tell him straight-up how you’re feeling (“I’m kind of hurt that you forgot I hate sushi”). Expecting him to infer from your hints could leave both of you scratching your heads.

Don’t take conversation lulls personally

Fact is, guys in general just aren’t as verbally adept as women are. Large parts of the cortex — the brain’s outer layer that does a big part of recognizing and using subtle language cues — are thinner in men than they are in women. A study led by Dr. Godfrey Pearlson of Johns Hopkins University has shown that two areas in the frontal and temporal lobes that play an important role in language processing are significantly smaller in men. Using MRIs, the Johns Hopkins scientists measured gray matter volumes in several brain regions in 17 females and 43 males. Women had 23 percent more volume than men in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and 13 percent more volume than men in the superior temporal cortex. “Women,” explains Dr. Cahill, “excel in being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues.” Men—not so much. Don’t expect him to chatter with you on dates with the skill of a girlfriend, and don’t assume he’s not interested in you if he occasionally lets the conversation lapse. Think of it this way: He’s simply basking in moments of quiet companionship.

Appreciate his naturally upbeat nature

Does he seem to be “up” most of the time? It’s not your imagination: Male brains produce 52 percent more serotonin (the chemical that influences mood) than female brains, according to a study done at McGill University. And studies show that fewer men than women suffer from depression. Guys may also have an easier time rolling with life’s big stresses. If he tells you he recently lost his golden lab or suffered a job loss and doesn’t get all teary, it doesn’t mean he’s heartless; rather, he has healthy stores of serotonin.

Don’t expect his take on your relationship history to match yours

He may be incapable of seeing your shared past the way you do. Brain images have started to show that men and women use their brains in vastly different ways. For example, women use the left part of the amygdala — the part of the brain that creates emotional reactions to events — to put memories in order by emotional strength, meaning that something emotionally important to them (like a great first date a couple of months ago) will be ordered in front of what they ate for breakfast yesterday. Men, however, use the right part of the amygdala to put memories in order. Traditionally, the right hemisphere of the brain is associated with the central action of an event, while the left hemisphere is associated with finer details. Translation: You’ll both remember your first date, but he might not remember the color of your sweater or the light rain that was falling that night. It doesn’t mean he was checked out; it just means he’s a guy.

Remember his brain is his largest sex organ

In males of several species including humans, the preoptic area of the hypothalamus is greater in volume, in cross-sectional area and in the number of cells. In men, this area is more than two times larger than in women, and it contains twice as many cells. And what, say you, does this have to do with the horizontal mambo? Plenty. This area of the hypothalamus is in charge of mating behavior. This small structure connects to the pituitary gland, which releases sex hormones. So if your bf wants to get intimate all the time and you feel like Ms. Low Desire, remember: You’re just experiencing normal, brain-based differences.

The Female Brain

Wouldn’t it be a relief to finally understand what is happening behind her pretty eyes? Why is it, for example, that the woman in your life is serene one moment, apocalyptic the next? How can she remember details about your life you don’t even recall? And what’s with her taking everything so personally? Chalk it up to female brain chemistry. Here’s how to tailor your courtship to her cortex, hippocampus, etc.

Pay attention to the little things

She’ll see shades of meaning in small gestures, because significant regions of the cortex — the outer layer of a brain that conducts much of its high-level computing — are thicker in the ladies. Therefore, an off-hand comment like, “I’d rather watch the game” might say more than you meant it to. Likewise, a small act of kindness (from a kiss on the cheek to simply calling ahead to make reservations) will blow her away because she’ll consider both the gesture and the thoughtfulness behind the gesture.

To keep up with her memory, take notes

It’s a scientific fact: Women remember everything. The hippocampus takes up a larger percent of the female brain than the male brain, which is good to know because it’s where memories are formed. So while you remember, maybe, the day you met, she’s recorded your first flirtation, first phone call, first date, first kiss, etc. Bottom line? There’s a reason the PDA and the Google calendar were invented: Use these electronic tools to keep up with her mighty hippocampus.

Follow her calm lead versus instigating bar fights

She’s much better at reining in her aggressive impulses than you are. Doctors at the University of Pennsylvania measured the size of the orbitofrontal cortex, an area of the brain involved in regulating emotions. They then compared it with the size of the amygdala, which creates emotional reactions to events. They discovered that female brains have a much larger orbitofrontal-to-amygdala ratio (OAR) than male brains do. That suggests women are better than guys at responding calmly to rudeness or aggression. “The orbitofrontal cortex (OFC) is the main ‘modulator’ of amygdala action,” explains researcher Ruben Gur. “So if you are at a party and someone insults you, the amygdala, which is a very primitive and old structure in human brains, will be yelling ‘Kill the guy!’ The OFC is the part of the brain that will say: ‘Consider the context; there are people around.’” Thus, if you want to impress her, quiet your own amygdala and behave as gracefully as she does.

Write her a poem or at least a cute email

“Women excel in something called verbal fluency, or being able to come up with appropriate words, given cues,” says Dr. Larry Cahill of the University of California at Irvine. In general, women’s brains are wired to be more language-centric than men’s. Researchers at McMaster University found that female brains have a greater density of neurons in parts of the temporal lobe cortex, which is the area of the brain associated with language processing and comprehension. This could help explain why women often know the right thing to say, send great cards and love notes, and choose words with such care. In wooing a love interest, it wouldn’t hurt to get the help of a trusted female friend. She’ll know just what to say.

Be her serotonin

Women’s brains produce significantly less serotonin — the brain chemical that helps make us happy — than male brains do. So if she has a tough day at work, treat to her to a transfusion: Try a pep talk, soothing back rub or long hug.

Just What I Need Now That My Crackberry Is Broke

The new blackberry set to drop this fall! It looks pretty good plus it is touch screen and has a 3.2 megapixel camera.
your thoughts?

How Long Can You Go

The Following excerpt was written by J.Knox for Baltimore City Paper

It’s been said that women reach their sexual peak between the ages of 30 and 45. I’m 27 and my peak came early. I’ve always had a healthy sexual appetite, but in the last year or so, I’ve become a monster. If I am not having sex, I am thinking and/or talking about it. I am currently on a four-plus times a week d*ck diet, anything less and I turn into a wicked B-word. I’m not exactly content with the four times, but because folks have gotta work and pay bills, I guess it will suffice. However, trust that masturbation has become a daily habit like flossing after every meal. It’s bad. But, damn it’s so good.

I have friends, some in their 30’s, who go on year-long sexual sabbaticals like its nothing at all. How do they do it? A whole YEAR?!?! Here is how yours truly handled a recent five day drought… I sent the following “Disposition Disclaimer” to my roommate and closest friends;

“Dear Friends,
I know this may not be news to you, but I have not had sex in 5 days! As you know, this is most unusual. The Dealer has most definitely been with the bulls–t this week!
As of last night I am officially going thru withdrawal. This morning I have began to display some undesired behavior such as; lashing out and the urge to destroy things. I also think my vibrator may have ran away fed up with the abuse.
Friends this is a code blue situation. My vagina is depressed. If u notice any unusual behavior (more so than usual), please feel free to check me. I will make every attempt to not tear your head off (or grind on you for that matter). Can’t make any promises though.
With love”

Needless to say, shortly after this email went out, so did a few threatening phone calls to the Dealer. By day’s end I was getting my back blown out and a much needed attitude adjustment! Everything was right with the world again. LOL.

Fly Question Of The Day:
Ladies and gents, how long have you been able to go without sex and how did it affect your mood?

If Your A Freak Like Me & My Girl

Then this item is a must in your bedroom. Celling Mirror priced at $510.00 with all the mounting pieces. I will be adding this to our playpen ;0)

Me & My Girl Have A Similar Idea But In A Different Field

Exotic Flights is like the five-star Hooters of the private jet world. Scantily dressed “Flight Girls” serve up gourmet food and beverages to its exclusive clientele, and the company’s CEO, Rudy Gonzalez, encourages the girls to initiate conversation with passengers. By all means, the Miami-based company is anything but your typical aircraft charter company.

Charging by the hour, Exotic Flights does not charge membership fees, not is it a fractional ownership club. Clients simply book flights up to two hours before their intended departure, and they are off in one of the company’s first-class Gulfsteams, helicopters or other personal aircraft; ferried door-to-door in one of the company’s limousines of course.

Everyone from Diddy to Akon to Scott Storch has used this “ultra private jet service,” and the company prides itself on its urban appeal, undoubtedly influenced by Gonzalez’s past experience managing logistics and security for clients like Mike Tyson and Christina Aguilera.

At the heart Exotic Flights business model is its focus on glamorous Flight Girls, which the company claims are “kempt, refreshed, beautiful, and friendly.” Beijing staff aside (pictured below), the Flight Girls look more like the crowd you’d see on stage at a top-notch Vegas strip club than the busted flight staff employed by many major US commercial airlines. But don’t be fooled by their good looks. Many Flight Girls are in training to obtain their private pilot’s licenses, a mandatory part of their contract with Exotic Flights.

Unfortunately, if you fly Exotic Flights, you won’t find Diddy in the lobby. With gas prices at their current levels, you may see a few more of the company’s celebrities flying comercial flights.

Roock 997 Turbo RST Commemorates LeMans Win

Roock, the only German Porsche tuner with headquarters in the United States, has unveiled a new and extremely powerful addition to its lineup to commemorate its victory at LeMans: the Roock RST 600 LM. With 602 horsepower and 611 pound-feet of torque, the heavily modified 997 Turbo is surprisingly docile enough to be used as a daily driver but powerful enough to hold its own on the track. Reportedly, the Roock RST does the 0-60 mph in 3.1 seconds and hits a top speed of 212 mph.

Of the many modifications, some of the highlights include:
*Push-button ignition
*Ground effects, including a front splitter, rear diffuser and a rear spoiler
*Ultra-light racing wheels with Roock trademark carbon center caps
*Four-pad, redesigned brake system with 380mm crossdrilled and vented brake rotors and eight-piston calipers
*Roock-exclusive four-point harness seats

Killer Lamps

My baby just bought a new lamp that I thought was designed well. Well Baby I like these for the room better lol. Back in 2004, Philippe Starck introduced an 18k-gold-plated Flos Gun Collection. For 2008, the designer has updated his this lamp collection with a gloss chrome finish. While there’s still a limited amount of gold Flos Gun lamps floating around for sale, (still a cool buy), we like Starck’s new chrome Flos Collection even better. Pick your chrome gun lamp up for $1,220-$3,270.

99 Million Dollar Townhouse

The world may be in an economic crisis, but there’s still plenty of big spending going on in Russia. According to Russian property agency Agent 002 last Friday, Moscow’s most expensive property, a 1,300 square meter (14,000 square foot) townhouse, sold to a low-profile Russian business tycoon for nearly 2.5 billion Rubles, or approximately $99 million USD.
Located within Moscow’s Chistie Prudy (Clean Ponds) Residence complex, a five minute drive from Moscow’s Red Square and city center, the 7+ story townhouse contains five bedrooms, five full bathrooms, three half baths, a children’s floor, a basement-level indoor swimming pool, and a rooftop winter garden.
The record breaking property is one of six townhouses located within the 240,000 square foot Chistie Prudy Residence complex, which also houses “two club-type low apartment density residential houses, eight unique single apartment private residences from 900 sq m (1,000 sq f) to 2,000 sq m (21,000 sq f) in two mansions and…two-story underground parking for 88 cars,” as the listing information explains. The Western-managed complex also features private security, silent elevators, a central water purification system, indoor pools, and gyms. For all you big ballers looking for a similar property, it appears that four townhouses are still available in the complex.
The unnamed buyer of the $99 million Moscow property is reportedly around 40 and not one of Russia’s most well-known tycoons. Petrodollars and booming consumer confidence are fueling the demand for high-priced properties in Moscow, the world’s most expensive city, where the average cup of coffee runs over $10.
While the rest of the world prepares to tighten its belt, we’re glad to see that the super-rich in Moscow is still ballin’.

Ballin For Your Libary

What makes a private library baller? How about 3,600 square feet filled with landmark and bejeweled books, an original Sputnik 1 satellite hanging from the ceiling, a chandelier from a James Bond film, and three levels packed with more rare artifacts than your local history museum? As Wire revealed in a recent piece, you’ll find all of this and more in internet entrepreneur Jay Walker’s unbelievable New England crib. The founder of technology think tank Walker Digital, Jay Walker set out to create a space dedicated to the human imagination. The result is a functional fantasy land that serves as a shrine to creativity, and inspiration for anyone looking to build their own baller home library. For more images and the full story, check out Wired’s original article.

Vendome Mayfair - London

Following their success in London's Knightsbridge, the Vendome team has done it all again by opening a sister venue in swanky Mayfair.

Fed up with the minimalist design aesthetic that many a upscale West End venue has adopted over the past decade, club guru Freddie Frampton and interior designer Paul Daly got together to see what they could do to fix all this. And fixed it they have.

The club is beautifully finished and has been designed to induce patrons back onto the dance floor. And why wouldn't you want to dance when the club has installed possibly one of the coolest dance floors that we have seen in a while. The circular interactive video floor cost over a quarter of a million pounds and can display film footage, graphic effects, logos etc. It is topped off with a raised, revolving DJ booth/bar in the centre. Think 70s disco floor meets the future.

Off to the left of the floor are six individually themed VIP booths, each having being designed by the likes of Jade Jagger, fashion label Core and Dom Perignon.

The club has a distinct retro/futuristic feel, part mirror maze, part Xanadu, part upper-class Jetsons space shuttle, and is sure to be a hit with London's glamorous Mayfair set (read socialites, WAGs and the occasional reality-TV star).

So, head on down for a 'molecularly mixed' drink – if only to check out the dance floor. Just mind you don't rest your drink on that darn revolving bar… you may never see it again. We learnt this the hard way

Kitchen For A Modern King And Queen

Without a doubt, the kitchen is the part of the home that really needs to be kicked up with the reason to put across one’s self in this very expressive room. Famed kitchen designer and manufacturer TM Italia now wishes to impress all the modern cooks with their new and exclusive Petra and the Mondrian kitchen designs. Placing the kitchen as the central point of all activity within the household, these kitchens have block-like eye-catching forms in common. Still, the source of inspiration is different for both the designs. While Petra seems to be influenced by the power of nature, the corian-finished Mondrian has the shades of Cubist art. When not in use, the glossy, inviting exterior conceals all the kitchen necessities. At the press of a button on the included remote control, the work tops disappear to show the functional areas. Another touch and you have all the kitchen appliances you need to start cooking.

Above everything, these two kitchens are fitted with a computer monitor connected to the internet, so that you don’t miss your favorite flicks and numbers while cooking yummy dishes. Precise, clean, glossy and remote-ordered; the latest kitchen designs by TM Italia are just as contemporary kitchens should be.

Private Jet Flying Made Affordable

For the elite traveler who is a little miffed with the recession, LunaJets has a way to complement your high-end lifestyle by offering the luxury of flying private at prices competitive to first and business class. LunaJets allows travelers to purchase empty leg flights (private jets returning home empty) within Europe, Middle East, Russia and the USA at prices as low as 50-80% off a full private jet fare. The aviation company offers you the luxury and convenience of private jet flying: VIP handling and transfer services and a dedicated customer services team at substantially reduced prices. So, maintaining a luxurious lifestyle even in these hard times won’t get unaffordable for you ever.

-Jet Setter B

WHY??? is the millon dollar question

Why do women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?
by Jet Setter B

People have been asking this age old question...well, for ages! The problem is much more complex that we could ever imagine. Think about it: Here you have a perfectly good man, who goes to work every day, helps with the housework (or at least tries), takes care of his kids (if he has any), and is a pretty much all around "good guy". Next, you have his wife or his woman. This perfectly good man finds out some how, that his woman has cheated on him. Heartbreaking to say the least! The question is...why? Why would a woman cheat on a perfectly good man?

There's no universal answer for this one I'm afraid.

The reason why I say that is because, no one really knows what is going on inside of this woman's head or heart. There is a strong possibility that she is just plain unhappy. Now before you come out of your underwear...let me say, yes, it appears that this woman may seem to have nothing to be unhappy about. But do we really know that? Do we know what their sex life is like? What is their financial situation? Are there any other major stressors going on in the marriage or relationship? Even though sex isn't everything...it is an important part of any healthy relationship that should not be taken lightly.

According to Relationship Therapist Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., in her book "Make up Don't Break up" (Thanks google for great research help lol) she gives interesting reasons why some women may be inclined to wander:

1. We "Get off" on the Rush - Women crave the endorphin high from the initial attraction they feel toward a new guy.

2. We want attention - Women sometimes cheat because they feel taken for granted and a new lover give them the TLC that their man may not be giving.

3. We feel pressured - When women stress, (especially over a guy, they may seek out another stud to lean on as a distraction my girlfriend has said from day one dont involve another person of opisite sex in your relationship problems for this very reason) .

Communication is very important, and many fail to inculcate into their relationship. So when the communication lines are closed...bad things will happen. Whether it's infidelity, over-spending or some other tragic means of wrecking what seems to be a perfectly good relationship...it will happen when both parties fail to talk (to each other, not to your best girlfriend!) openly and honestly about what you are feeling. Being afraid to hurt a "good man's" feelings is not an excuse to by-pass telling him the truth. ie., I'm not happy, I'm not in love with you, our sex live is stressin' me, our finances are stressin' me" Whatever the case may be...talk about it. If you feel as though you cannot talk about it on your own...get help. There are many Therapists and Councelors that can help you put the pieces back together again.

Now, for the second half of the question:
Why do women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them?Many women, like bad men. They do! The "bad boy" image has been sought out by many women! Thinking rationally, most women do not want a man that will physically, financially, or emotionally abuse them. So I'm assuming your question is along the lines of an abusive relationship. Why would a woman stay with a man who beats her up, calls her names, or withholds financial support? There are many reasons, and the majority have to do with self image or self esteem. Some have to do with childhood issues and/ or emotional problems. How women view themselves often determines what type of man she ends up with. If she allows herself to stay with a man who treats her inappropriately, her self esteem will slowly wash away until she feels as though she has no choice but to endure what is dished out to her. She feels desparate and may feel as though she deserves to be treated this way, when in fact, no one deserves to be treated like an animal. Even animals have certain rights!

So let's break it down. Why would a woman, stay with a man who is not good for them? First of all, every woman who stays with a "bad man" has their own reasons. Some women who grew up in homes where they may have felt they were not valued, neglected or abused emotionally or physically, may grow up feeling that's the only kind of relationship that's possible. They may feel that drawn to neglectful or abusive men because those types of relationships are familiar to them. Most of us automatically avoid the unknown and unfamiliar. Some women who were abused or neglected as children, or grew up in homes where their mothers were abused even if the children were not, unconsciously seek out similar men in attempts to triumph over their childhood circumstances. They (and other trauma victims) may feel compelled to put themselves in similar abusive or neglectful circumstances again and again, each time believing they'll have a different outcome. It's an attempt to master the past trauma by convincing themselves (and perhaps others) that NOW they have control over the situation. But of course they usually end up being hurt again.

Some women who deny their childhoods were unhappy, neglectful or abusive, or who have amnesia for much of such childhoods, end up in what psychiatrist have called "sitting duck syndrome" -- repeatedly abused in one relationship after another because they've got blinders on for the warning signs. If they allowed themselves to see (and feel) the danger signals of abuse and neglect, they might recognize those signals were also present in their childhood relationships with parents or siblings, and thus have to face some unpleasant realities about those childhood experiences. They may rather (at an unconscious level) continue to believe their parents were nonabusive, preserving their relationship with their parents at the cost of being able to recognize and respond to hurtful attitudes and behaviors in other relationships.

Another thing to consider is that abusive men (or women) may do a good job of convincing their partners that it's all their (the partner's) fault, and may isolate the partner from other sources of support so their victim is emotionally and financially dependent on them. Such men may lay on the charm and be very contrite after an explosion or breakup in efforts to win their partners back. A woman who's eager to believe her man will change can succumb to gifts and promises and convince herself (or at least try to convince herself) that things will be different from now on. Plus, as you may know, families or cultures in which women are viewed as subservient to men may encourage women to put up with abuse or neglect in order to cling to the man's status, or because divorce is considered shameful.

I hope this helps you understand some reasons women may persist in unhealthy relationships, or repeatedly become involved with abusive men. For more about general relationship dynamics, I recommend books by psychologist Harriet Lerner, such as The Dance of Intimacy. Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear also addresses ways in which many women override their intuition and place themselves in dangerous situations and harmful relationships.

Signing out Jet Setter B